I love, love, LOVE coffee. I realize that I pay far too much for it but you know what? I don't care. Nope, I don't. Not one bit. I don't necessarily have a favorite place (though I do frequent Starbucks). It just needs to be ridiculously pricey and have a spot where I can sit by myself or with a good friend or two.
That's what I did the other day. A girlfriend of mine and I decided to head to the local Starbucks after work. We sat for a while and talked about politics, life, friends, religion, work, and drama. I've known her less than six months and from the beginning she has had this strange insight into who I am. It's not like she has my every move pegged or each thought figured out ... she just gets me and I appreciate her more than words can say.
Well, as you know from reading my life, things have been a little harried for me. Friend knows all about them, too. We talked a moment about that, of course. But it was something she said that had nothing to do with anything that struck me the most. It gave me the little bit of the resuscitation that I needed. I think it had to do with WHAT she said as much as it was simply that SHE said it.
She was talking about a friend of hers that she'd grown up with and said, "She's the coolest girl ... you'd love her."
And the light turned on.
I'm not that girl. My friends, new and old, probably wouldn't describe me that way anymore. They would have. They did. They'd say so many wonderful things about me. They have not changed. Our relationships haven't gone to the wayside. I am just different. I am not the person I once was. I think it's a funk. Just a phase. But it feels never-ending.
I'm not a lost cause. It's not so bad that no one wants to hang around me. I'm just not as fun. As exciting. As sparkly. I'm not as cool as I used to be. I'm just okay now but I'm not okay.
:(
What a girl's got to do when she loses herself? Find her. Hug her. And bring her home.
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9 comments:
Wow. I'm feeling your pain today. (Thanks for commenting on my blog.) To give my last post some context, I went to college in Boulder. The thought of moving there, now with a family, *seemed* like a great idea.
But...
I'm not that fun college girl anymore either. I'm not feeling very sparkly.
But...
Here's the thing: it's okay. It's called growing up. And it doesn't mean we're boring. It means our wings are taking us on a new journey. A journey where being the sparkliest girl in the room isn't our goal.
I bet you're rockin' your world. Keep going. I'll come along, too, if that's okay.
it's a blogging bonanza! i admit it. i sit around and read other random blogs--people i don't even know. i'm fascinated with the how the rest of the world gets on.
in response to your post, none of us are that girl. but i will hug her and bring her home. because she is me. and she deserves it. no matter how uncool she is.
Thanks for posting! I love getting encouragement. And I see that you also found my friend, Amy. Thanks for stopping by...stop by again! I post every Friday morning with my updates. A big one this week! :)
ooh Amy, I like the build up you've got going on here. Now, I will check you out today. I can't wait!
What does she do?
She keeps looking until she find herself again.
Just like me. I've been looking for a while. I think it's painful to go through a period of time where we re-define ourselves.
You'll get through it. I'll get through it.
I have somethin' for ya!
Hey girl,
I'm so glad that you've been reading my blog - thank you for your sweet comments! I feel your loneliness, and the fact that changing is hard. I hope that you're feeling more "up" today.
I went through a painful, lonely period on and off for about 2 years. By the end of it, I had pushed aside 2 of my closest girlfriends. I would say that what a girl's gotta do in a situation like this is to know that you're worth every good thing that comes your way, that genuine friendships manifest themselves in time of trouble, and that you must not only go on, but get up, shake it the heck off, and move to a different beat!
To change one's life:
Start immediately.
Do it flamboyantly.
No exceptions.
William James
Found this quotation, thought it might apply to your situation! sort of... Anyway, it's a good quotation, don't ya think?
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