Thursday, January 17, 2008

Disappointment and Back-up

I wrote a few different drafts of blogs with topics I’ve wanted to talk about but there’s something that has come up just a few hours ago that I want to discuss.

I disappointed someone today. Someone who loves me very much and only wants the very best for me. I know this person is okay and we’ll be fine but now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what exactly I need to do to “fix” it. She is disappointed in a very poor decision I made. Hindsight didn’t even need to tell me that I should have chosen differently.

I am always honest with her, even when I know she won’t be too happy with me. In this case, I knew she’d be angry … pissed … livid. Perhaps that’s why I’ve never lied to her. Maybe I want to be called out. She keeps me grounded to say the least. And sane, even when insanity is lying next to me.

In thinking about this nonstop and wondering how to remedy things, I’ve realized it has nothing to do with her. She might be frustrated and upset with me but why? It’s me. I did something that is against character but quickly and frighteningly seemingly becoming who I am.

Sometimes we want to get mad at people who don’t “support” us or get excited about our stupid, harmful endeavors. Even if we know we were doing something stupid it’s easy to get defensive when we’re called out on it. We make excuses to others for ourselves and our behavior but really, just like in this case, there’s no need for it.

Her only concern is me. My concern is everything but me. Lucky me, I have someone watching out. I think the only way to fix this situation is to fix me.

I better get going. I’ve got some figuring out to do.

Who's got your back no matter what ridiculous mess you get yourself into?

3 comments:

Misty said...

Well, Honey, take a deep breath and listen to what you are sharing with me. I think you know what needs to be "fixed" inside yourself, and I believe you've got the know how and courage to get after it. I've been down that same road before, as I think we all may have, but the trick is, pull over, read your road map, and get headed *back* in the right direction. I can't tell you how much I love reading what you decide to share. You are an insightful soul, and you'll figure out just what you need to make it right. And I've got a sneaky suspicion, too, you are well worth this love your friend has for you, and with a little work, you'll both set it strait. xo Misty

Laski said...

Your "friend" has faith in you. Of that I am certain.

Laski said...

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