Tuesday Letter #2

A letter to a former student ...

Dear Bella,

I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me but after what I saw, I knew I had to write. I don’t know what I even need or want to say. I just know I have to do something.

I’ve known you for 5 years now. Ever since you were a freshman in high school. 14 years old with the whole world ahead of you. I remember hearing all about you from your big brother. He was in the first class I ever taught. He talked about you all the time. He told me how proud he was of you and he made it clear just how protective he was of his little sister. Then, I remember the day I met you … you came in with your big brown eyes, bright smile and you glowed with the kind of innocence so many of us wish we could have once again.

Over time, I came to know you well. You were so incredibly talented. You could act. You could dance. You could sing. You had the voice of an angel, the face of a child, and the heart of a saint.
I knew about where you lived – the same place I worked. I knew what life could potentially be like for you. Yet, I remained hopeful. That you would magically find a way to rise above all that was laid out before you.

But, sometimes, life just happens. No matter how we plan, how we hope, how we dream.
I knew about the first abortion. And then the second. I knew about the abusive boyfriend. And what happened at home … behind closed doors. I watched you perform monologues based on your life. I heard you sing about your pain in the lyrics that you wrote. I read the journal you turned in. I saw your story play out right before my very eyes.

I was your teacher, first and foremost. I did what I had to do to fulfill that duty. But, my heart was breaking for you. As a teacher, you want to save souls. But the job is to teach minds. You want children to embrace lessons about life. But the job is to share lessons about subjects. I’d listen when I needed to and even when I didn’t want to – overhearing your conversations with friends about things so unbelievable. Sometimes we can’t just shut it out. It’s like a train wreck for our ears.

I offered advice, hoping you would do what was best for you. Not for him. Not for them. But for you. And then I prayed. And prayed. And prayed.

Then, one day, everything changed for you. It was as if you woke up and put your innocence right back on. You came into my classroom with the same smile on your face from the first days I met you. You had a college application in one hand and homework in the other. Life was looking different. Life was looking good. For you.

Time went on. You went to college and I moved away. Keeping in touch was infrequent though I did receive updates. You were happy and life was carrying on well.

Then, one day I came across it. It was through a “People You May Know” tool on Facebook. I didn’t know that person though I knew it was you. It was not the same young woman that stood in front of me with pure excitement about the days, months, years ahead of her. You had next to nothing on. You were suggestively standing next to someone. My eyes perused the words on your page … I knew what I felt deep inside was right.

Now I am all about sewing your wild oats, having fun and being crazy. But, I know that whatever you are getting yourself into can’t be good … then, I heard from one of your former classmates. He told me you’re stripping these days. Now, sure I know that sometimes a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do but it isn’t that. It’s what I heard along with that. It wasn’t just about your clothes coming off … You are selling your body. You are giving away your pieces of innocence for pieces of paper. You are into even more hardcore drugs. The number of abortions is up to four. There is no way that life is good for you now. I know you better than that. What I don’t know is what happened.

Where is that smile?

Did someone stop believing in you? Did you stop believing in you? I didn’t. I haven’t. I won’t.

You are too good for this. Too beautiful. Too talented. Too smart.

Please, I beg you; start believing what I already know. And what you already know, too.

Tuesday Letter

I promise to address the below entry. Soon. I think I'm going to need to.

But, I'm trying something new and hopefully it will become a weekly post. The idea came to me because I often say, both seriously and jokingly, "I'm going to write a letter." There have been some situations lately that have me really, REALLY wanting to express a few things. I already have a list. Sometimes they'll need explanation, others won't. This one might.

It's about Joe the Plumber. It's not really about politics or parties. I'm not here to favor one or the other or to change your opinion about anything. I don't even know all that I claim to but this situation irks me.

So ... enjoy.

***************************************

Dear Joe,

I shouldn't even know who you are but the fact is, I do. I know that you are a plumber, though, not licensed. I was informed that with what you currently make you'd actually be receiving a tax cut under Obama's plan. I also have been told, again and again, that you owe $1200 in taxes.
I put your 'name' in yahoo search: "Joe the Plumber" and 57 million results came up. The first one was a website that posted the following:

--------------------------------

FYI
Since the debate Wednesday between John McCain and Barrack Obama, I have received: 180,207 hits on my website, over 300 phone calls, and hundreds of e-mails. I have been interviewed for several publications and appeared on Television 4 times, interviewed for the Radio 3 times, made the cover of the Local newspaper twice and met a lot of people and signed two dozen Autographs. All in a three day period.
Peace!
Joe Lara

Please be advised that I am NOT the unlicensed Plumber from Ohio who was mentioned over 20 times in Wednesdays Debate.

(http://www.joelaratheplumber.com)
---------------------------------

You've gotten so popular that people with your 'name' received a taste of your 15 minutes.

It's been several days and the media has surely calmed down. But, I wonder how your life is now. Are things different? Were you able to just laugh it off? Do you regret that day? Has anyone approached you about a reality show?

It won't matter, you may be absolutely delighted with your new found fame, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry that all you did was ask a question, utilizing your right to free speech, and then you get slammed from every direction. At first you were practically a hero, then you were the butt of jokes from Letterman to Conan. It isn't fair and it makes me mad. Your name has been mentioned everywhere - from late night to early morning news. In debates, on the radio, in the paper ...

Somehow it has become okay, a new second nature, to joke about you, to bring you up in conversation, to use you to get more votes. Yes, this happens in some form on some level all the time - but not this way. You dont get your face plastered on screens across America, your name mentioned over and over by two men vying for the presidency. Why couldn't you just ask a question, have it answered and then go home to make your decision?

But, what gets me most is no one knows who you really are. Are you married to the love of your life? Are you a fan of the Cleveland Browns? Do you tuck your child into bed at night after reading a favorite story and saying I love you? Are your parents still around? Are you even registered to vote? Are you mad that things have been brought up about you? Have you been hurt by this? We don't know. We, apparently, don't care about all that. We just wanted to chew you up, have a laugh, and spit you out.

What kind of freedom is this? What message does this send? Poke fun of, make jokes about, find flaws in everyone? Is that what it is to be American? Is this who we are?

It kind of makes me sick.

For all its worth and for whatever this may have caused you, I'm sorry. And it was a really good question.

Sincerely,
Becky

What's Keeping Me Away

My sister's on my case about writing a new blog - I started this whole venture into the bloggy world with big ideas and grand dreams of writing every day. Yeah, that didn't happen. It's a treat when I write twice in one month.

I have so, so much to say though. Lots to talk about. Silly stories, serious tales, and frightening experiences. I have thoughts in my mind that keep me awake at night as I stare at the ceiling wondering what I could have done, what I should do or where my next move might take me. I have these ideas from watching the news, reading facebook, and listening to my students chatter on.

I just don't share. Though I want to. Though I should. Though it would be good for me. Though it may be good for you.

I have no real reason I don't, either. I'n not preoccupied with toddlers using my body as a jungle gym. I'm not kept at work for yet another late night because work's piled up. I'm busy, but I have time.

I just can't share my stories. I think it's because there's this one story that looms over my head that once I write it, I have to let it go. And I'm not ready yet.

I'm about at the point where there's so much else to say that I'll find my way to writing again but I just needed these few moments. I'll share soon. I'll even share the story that's keeping me away. Soon.

No Teacher Left Behind

Right now, I am solely writing as a teacher.

And I am pissed.

I am burning with anger, frustration and irritation.
It started off with a spark and now it's blazing. I am engulfed in this.

At the same time, I am drenched with sadness. And I feel hopelessness creeping into the back of my mind.

I feel as though I was asked to compromise my integrity today.
Because I was.
But I won't.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
So, please, don't ask.

I teach high school English. Freshmen. They are rambunctious and silly and intense and funny and NOT funny and everything you remember being when you were there ... times 10.

I love what I do. When I was just five years old I knew this was my calling. And over 20 years later, I'm nearly five years in. It's changed me, it's affected me, it's taught me and I love it.

And I believe in it.

In November, the candidates' plans for education will have a direct impact on my vote. I don't hate No Child Left Behind because it's trying to do something to better education. An education gives you power, freedom, intelligence, confidence, hope. It can provide you with opportunities and knowledge that you couldn't get just anywhere.

And one of the most integral parts of it all: the teacher.

So, wouldn't you expect him or her to be "something special?" Or at least have a drive to educate your children, your employees, your future.

Or is it enough to just have someone who only exists in the classroom, breathes in the air around them and goes home?

I say no.

What's this all about? My student teacher (ST). He's year older than I, embarking on career #2. It's not even him directly at this point though he has caused me much greif and confusion. You see, I've rarely met a man, not only without a fire underneath him but no spark to even light a fire. His lessons have disengaged all of my students. My students have so, so much life in them but this man has drained every last drop with, not only his lack of ability, but enthusiasm, interest, desire, passion ... He claims to be a lover of English but this has yet to be seen in the slightest. Perhaps it's just lost in his mumbles (yes, he mumbles) over grammar, and as he stumbles through Of Mice and Men. I don't see it, but this I do: Teachable moments go untaught. Symbolism goes unrecognized.
Remember Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Take that and add 38 cups of boredom.

Yeah, it's that bad.

You might say, "But, rjtrue, this man is just getting started on his journey ... he's just learning, cut him some slack."

And I have. I have sat down with him, pointed him in the right direction, even walked the first few steps with him. He has not improved. I don't even believe the attempt was ever made.

And then ...

I met with his university supervisor (UnSup), along with ST's other mentor who also happens to be a dear friend, and we explained our frustrations and expectations. The lack of interest, follow-through, classroom management. We discussed how lessons were mundane and continued to be. We shared with him our concern about his future in teaching.

I basically got told to pass him anyway. And, based on what we shared, he'd pass him as well. UnSup told us both that perhaps ST was just not someone we'd choose to work with but we had to remember that he's not like us. He said that maybe he'd fail once in the profession but that shouldn't hold us back from letting him get through this experience.
He went on to tell us how he himself had once passed a student worse than ST and then wouldn't recommend her when the call came in.

I lost it.

How in the hell do you put someone out into this field that you do not have faith in? I was appalled by this man and it took everything in me not to reach across the table and shake some integrity back in him. Something that he so obviously lost long ago. That he wanted me to lose.
Absolutely not.

I believe in what I do. I believe in the people that do the same thing that I do. This is NOT a fall back profession. This is NOT an easy job. This is NOT for someone who does not have some sort of love for it. This is NOT for someone who does not want to give it more than nothing.

How does someone in the field have so little respect for it? Would you put a surgeon in a hospital who repeatedly screwed up surgeries? No. Would you let a man into the police force who could barely shoot a gun? No. Would you allow a pharmacist to work if she couldn't tell the difference between medications? No.
Then why are we letting people who can't teach become teachers?

Thursday's Thirteen

I love perusing people's sites and stealing ideas from them ... such as this one!

Thank you friend!

Now, you may be wondering how the heck I'm managing TWO posts in one day when I go weeks without writing ... well, I'm a teacher and I have a student teacher. My only comment about that for now - borrowing from good 'ol southern women - bless his heart.

Now, for Thirteen Things I Don't Want to Take for Granted ...

1) My family - mom, dad, sisters, brudder, their babies
2) My friends and their willingness to listen to my endless stories
3) My youthful looks. At 27 I still have a baby face - it drives me crazy but I know I'll miss it one day
4) The way fall smells and sounds - the leaves crunching under your feet, the crisp, cool air












5) The time I have to visit with those I love
6) The time I'm given because I have a student teacher
7) Payday











8) My ability to get off a couch, to walk, to move
9) Yummy food - I shouldn't treat it like a regular item
10) Nature - every season
11) The fact that I am saved
12) The boy
13) That there's still time ...

You??

Oh cupcakes ...

What do you do when you've had "one of those days?"
You could be frustrated because work isn't going well, maybe you're mad at your husband, perhaps someone pushed the right button or maybe it's simply ... one of those days.

The perfect solution: cupcakes and amazing girlfriends.

My friend *K* wrote about this, too. The other day, three of my dear friends joined me at this new, fancy cupcake shop. It was two hours of cupcakes (well, we didn't eat for two straight hours - but, man, I wouldn't have minded!), coffee and conversation. I'm amazed that I can talk to these girls every single day and yet still have some of the best and most necessary talks.

It was nice to indulge in this, too: devil's food


And this ... chocolate coconut


Next time I'd really, REALLY like to try this: mint chocolate chip














But, honestly, the company was the best, as it always is with these girls. I moved here well over a year ago at 26 years old and was blessed with meeting three women I feel as though I've known, or should've known, all my life. They are there for me personally, professionally and even spiritually.

What's a girl gotta do when it's one of those days? Grab your best girlfriends, some coffee and a super sweet yummy treat :)

Life is good.

Wordless Wednesday: Labor Day in the West

I know I've not made one post in well over a month. Believe me, I have a lot to say - I just don't know where to begin or what I'm willing to share at this point. So, stealing the idea from my big sis


Yay Montana!


Just a two hours' drive away - Yellowstone!


This is where I could've stayed all day.


Old Faithful

What a trip ...